Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Desperado

I am on vacation for the remainder of the week, so this will be the last for the week. 

Linda Rondstadt has recently been run out of Vegas for her anti-Bush screeds and her tribute to Michael Moore.  That tribute consists of dedicating the last song of her concert, Desperado, to comrade, er, I mean, patriot Moore.  Somehow that alone makes Eagles music less appealing for making out.  But it gets even worse when you look at the lyrics and try to apply them to Moore.

Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?

I like the question, but I would probably address it "*%$hole, why don't you...

You been out ridin’ fences for so long now

See what the sexual revolution has led to?  Somewhere in Montana there are a bunch of ranchers busily fixing their fences and wondering why their buffalo count hasn't diminished, and why there is a discarded condom left exactly where the fence was broken.

Oh, you’re a hard one

With those 24-pack abs of yours.

I know that you got your reasons

Cheif among them your oversized ego, your love for fascist Arabs, and the fact that there are enough people on the looney left to make you millions by hawking conspiracy theories

These things that are pleasin’ you

Can hurt you somehow

If only it were so, and I can't say scenarios haven't run through my head. 

Don’ you draw the queen of diamonds, boy

She’ll beat you if she’s able

Somebody ought to beat you, if it's the queen of diamonds, so be it.

You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things

Have been laid upon your table

A full-rack of spare ribs, three Big Macs, a plateful of french fries, some pork rinds, a gallon of Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby ice-cream, half a dozen fried catfish ...

But you only want the ones that you can’t get

Say what?

Desperado, oh, you ain’t gettin’ no younger

You aint gettin no prettier either.

Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin’ you home

Hunger?  Is she dedicating this to the Michael Moore we all know and hate?  And he might be in pain, but surely he could alleviate it by rubbing Preparation H all over his head.

And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just some people talkin’

Yeah, like 25 million Iraqis

Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Walking alone?  Isn't he usually walking a couple steps behind some poor guy he has chosen to hector for his day's amusement?  I got another idea for a prison that would be suitable, but unfortunately Uday and Qusay are out of business, courtesy of Bush's Saudi puppet-masters.

Don’t your feet get cold in the winter time?

Of course they don't.  I have never seen them, but by the power of induction, unless he has some strange affinity to liposuction exclusively for his feet, my guess is that those toes could melt a polar ice-cap.

The sky won’t snow and the sun won’t shine

It’s hard to tell the night time from the day

Especially since the Bush administration has been systematically trying to turn day into night, per the bidding of their Saudi puppet masters.  Or is it their Jewish puppet masters?  Gee, it's tough keeping up with the latest conspiracy theory!

You’re loosin’ all your highs and lows

Ain’t it funny how the feeling goes away?

The feeling is going away because all of your blood is rushing to your stomach (see fine things laid on your table)

Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?

Come down from your fences, open the gate

But put your clothes back on, for God's sake!

It may be rainin’, but there’s a rainbow above you

Now here is a line that makes sense.  As the sunlight breaks through the vapor of sweat that he exudes, the droplets of perspiration no doubt have a prismatic effect on the light waves; it happens to all celestial bodies that have water in their atmosphere, and a star in their solar system.

You better let somebody love you, before it’s too late

Give John Kerry a hug, you are prettier than John Edwards!



2 Comments:

Blogger pbryon said...

Why couldn't you have just talked about Ricky Williams? I'm getting sick of defending Michael Moore. I'll try if you want, but I'm tired....

6:07 AM  
Blogger Boz said...

I think Rondstadt should have sung "Witchy Woman". I think she can now hang out with Ricky Williams and be one with the bong...

7:51 AM  

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