Monday, April 03, 2006

The Republicans are Banning Sex

The movie Basic Instinct 2 is bombing at the box office, and the most logical explanation coming from those who used to be able to bank on some good money as long as they produced a movie with a modicum of titillation in it is that the Republicans are banning the erotic. The target audience for movies is from 15-35, making Sharon Stone old enough to be a grandmother to a not insignificant portion of that demographic, and yet the Republicans are to blame for the fact that no one is really interested in seeing Sharon Stone's breasts anymore. They should have had Heath Ledger play the Sharon Stone roll. Apparently we are not doing a very good job in banning sex, especially since we are the only ones who have kids anymore. Or maybe that is just another glaring example of our hypocrisy.

Paul Verhoeven, director of the first "Basic Instinct" (which scored $353 million worldwide) as well as the widely ridiculed "Showgirls" (now regarded as something of a camp classic), attributes the genre's demise to the current American political climate.

"Anything that is erotic has been banned in the United States," said the Dutch native. "Look at the people at the top (of the government). We are living under a government that is constantly hammering out Christian values. And Christianity and sex have never been good friends."

Scribe Nicholas Meyer, who was an uncredited writer on 1987's seminal sex-fueled cautionary tale "Fatal Attraction," agrees, noting that the genre's downfall coincides with the ascent of the conservative political movement.

"We're in a big puritanical mode," he said. "Now, it's like the McCarthy era, except it's not 'Are you a communist?' but 'Have you ever put sex in a movie?'"

How distorted is your view of the world that you make comments like these? The notion that anything erotic in this country has been banned is clearly belied by the fact that of the 25 million websites in existence, all but approximately 4 are pay-for-porn sites. Even this site will temporarily have porn when Professor Vic is up for tenure at Holy Cross (he has an article written for the old Ideas Hatched on his CV), and I am a Republican. Of those 25 million websites, about 2 cater to showcasing women who remember where they were when Kennedy was shot (or so I'm told), so again, maybe the problem is at central casting. (Indeed, the Chartreuse Alcoholic stumbled onto my website while performing an experiment at work. He had a theory that no matter what you googled, within three pages of results there would be a pay-for-porn site. He sat there all day at work googling things from his past, and stumbled upon my story of the Bat Bike Regatta, which is his noteworthy contribution to the drunkards of the world.)

This, I know, will come as a shock to Sharon Stone, who recently said that Hillary Clinton will have a tough time getting elected because she is not yet past her "sexuality," and that too much sexual power will handicap her. If she believes that about Hillary, I could see where she wouldn't understand why we're not lining up to see her bare some skin. Independent of age, Hillary Clinton lost all her sexual power when her ankles started resembling her thighs. And I'm sure there is some strange psychological theory that suggests good old Bill was paradoxically driven into the arms of any women who would have him due to Hillary's sexual power (and even a few that wouldn't have him), but surely he too could see those ankles, and Okun's Razor requires that the ankle theory surely must trump the modern psychological theory.

Look, I'm all for banning sex in some circumstances. In particular, after being subjected to watching Joakim Noah lead the Florida Gators to a national championship with that ugly mug, I think there ought to be a law against hot Swedish chicks marrying black French ("African-French?", "French-African?") tennis stars, but other than that I think I'm OK with most of this sex stuff. I just really have no interest in seeing Basic Instinct 2.


Blogger Incredible Dirigible said...

Those filmmakers are clueless if they think "Basic Instinct 2" tanked because of Christianity or politics. Sequels are almost always a disappointment, especially if they come long after the original. Secondly, Sharon Stone just doesn't have the goods anymore. Aside from her leg-crossing scene in the original "Basic Instinct", her career peaked when Arnold shot her in the forehead in "Total Recall".

"Considah dat a divorce."

"Basic Instinct 2" even Sounds weak.

6:36 AM  
Blogger Professor Vic said...

As loathe as I am to ever agree with Hatch, I think I am forced to agree that BI2 should probably lay most of its blame elsewhere.

First, I think the availability of substitute goods (that is, porn) on the web is probably a huge factor. Also, the successful return of the teen sex comedy also belies the notion of a Republican shutdown of eroticism. I mean, how long was it between "Porky's" and "American Pie" or "Wedding Crashers?"

That being said, however, the writers of the Simpsons have consistently noted that since the Janet Jackson thing they have had a notably more difficult time with censors. So there may be a grain a truth in the argument. The Republicans have really been the death of naked, yellow, cartoon butts.

8:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being just a drunkard, I can only guess that Okum's Razor is the name for the scientific theory that the easiest explanation of an event is the most likely. If I am correct, than I believe that Hatch is right that the flop of "Basic Instinct 2" has nothing to do with rise of the Conservative movement. Rather, the low box office has to do with the fall of Sharon Stone's Hooters. I could down a whole case of Chartreuse and those puppies just wouldn't look any firmer.

4:27 AM  
Blogger Bayou Barrister said...

"The notion that anything erotic in this country has been banned is clearly belied by the fact that of the 25 million websites in existence, all but approximately 4 are pay-for-porn sites."

Now, are those 4 sites saved under your "favorites" in some obscure folder that your wife would never think to open like "Principals of Macroeconomics" OR do you just have the web addresses memorized?

Furthermore, do you state "approximately 4" because thats what you have found and are so content with those four (or at least one of the four) that you have looked no further OR are you too embarrassed to admit that you can name no less than 25 right of the top of your head OR do you just prefer to pay for your porn?

3:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can anyone say the Republican are Anti-sex after the deputy press secretary of Homeland Security goes down for attempting to solicit a child for sex? I am not sure if he is a Republican but he was hired by Republicans and there is a donor to the Rep. nat'l Com. by that name in MD.

BI2 stinks because it stinks for reasons far differnet than Repbulican values.

For other examples of Republican's that enjoy sex or illegal sex(from a Google search):

Republican Party leader Bobby Stumbo was arrested for having sex with a 5-year old boy.

Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters and served 14 years in federal prison.

Republican election board official Kevin Coan was sentenced to two years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a 14-year old girl.

Republican County Constable Larry Dale Floyd was arrested on suspicion of soliciting sex with an 8-year old girl. Floyd has repeatedly won elections for Denton County, Texas, constable.

The Philadelphia Inquirer reported on July 16, 2003, that Neil Bush acknowledged having extramarital affairs with several women in Hong Kong and Thailand during a videotaped deposition related to his divorce case.

Republican judge Mark Pazuhanich pleaded no contest to fondling a 10-year old girl and was sentenced to 10 years probation.

Republican teacher and former city councilman John Collins pleaded guilty to sexually molesting 13 and 14 year old girls.

Republican campaign worker Mark Seidensticker is a convicted child molester.

Republican Mayor Philip Giordano is serving a 37-year sentence in federal prison for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year old girls.

Republican Mayor John Gosek was arrested on charges of soliciting sex from two 15-year old girls.

Republican County Commissioner David Swartz pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 11 and was sentenced to 8 years in prison.

Republican legislator Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping his daughter between the ages of 9 and 17.

Republican Committeeman John R. Curtain was charged with molesting a teenage boy and unlawful sexual contact with a minor.

Republican anti-abortion activist Howard Scott Heldreth is a convicted child rapist in Florida.

Republican zoning supervisor, Boy Scout leader and Lutheran church president Dennis L. Rader pleaded guilty to performing a sexual act on an 11-year old girl he murdered.

Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to anybody who murders an abortion doctor.

Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl.

Republican racist pedophile and United States Senator Strom Thurmond had sex with a 15-year old black girl which produced a child.

Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the 2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a sexual affair with a female juvenile.

Republican lehappy_bunnyeter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old girl.

Republican advertising consultant Carey Lee Cramer was charged with molesting his 9-year old step-daughter after including her in an anti-Gore television commercial.

Republican activist Lawrence E. King, Jr. organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980s.

Republican lobbyist Craig J. Spence organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980s.

Republican Congressman Donald "Buz" Lukens was found guilty of having sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail.

Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child porn charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexual photos.

Republican activist Mark A. Grethen convicted on six counts of sex crimes involving children.

Republican activist Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child.

Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a female minor working as a congressional page.

Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell admitted to an incestuous relationship with his step daughter.

Republican Judge Ronald C. Kline was placed under house arrest for child molestation and possession of child pornography.

Republican congressman and anti-gay activist Robert Bauman was charged with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar.

Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for distributing a video clip of a 5-year-old girl being raped.

Republican activist Marty Glickman (a.k.a. "Republican Marty"), was taken into custody by Florida police on four counts of unlawful sexual activity with an underage girl and one count of delivering the drug LSD.

Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks was charged with molesting a 12-year old boy and possession of child pornography.

Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex with his 12-year old baby sitter and withdrew his candidacy after the allegations were reported in the media.

Republican preacher Stephen White, who demanded a return to traditional values, was sentenced to jail after offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.

Republican talk show host Jon Matthews pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an 11 year old girl.

Republican anti-gay activist Earl "Butch" Kimmerling was sentenced to 40 years in prison for molesting an 8-year old girl after he attempted to stop a gay couple from adopting her.

Republican politician Andrew Buhr was charged with two counts of first degree sodomy with a 13-year old boy.

Republican politician Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of 16 (i.e. exposing himself to children).

Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was found guilty of molesting a 15-year old girl.

Republican County Councilman Keola Childs pleaded guilty to molesting a male child.

Republican activist John Butler was charged with criminal sexual assault on a teenage girl.

Republican candidate Richard Gardner admitted to molesting his two daughters.

Republican Councilman and former Marine Jack W. Gardner was convicted of molesting a 13-year old girl.

Republican County Commissioner Merrill Robert Barter pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual contact and assault on a teenage boy.

Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to raping a 15 year-old girl and served 6-months in prison.

Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison and fined $18,000.

Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in his possession.

Republican strategist and Citadel Military College graduate Robin Vanderwall was convicted in Virginia on five counts of soliciting sex from boys and girls over the internet.

Republican city councilman Mark Harris, who is described as a "good military man" and "church goer," was convicted of repeatedly having sex with an 11-year-old girl and sentenced to 12 years in prison.

Republican businessman Jon Grunseth withdrew his candidacy for Minnesota governor after allegations surfaced that he went swimming in the nude with four underage girls, including his daughter.

Republican director of the "Young Republican Federation" Nicholas Elizondo molested his 6-year old daughter and was sentenced to six years in prison.

Republican president of the New York City Housing Development Corp. Russell Harding pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer.

Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr., was found guilty of raping a 15-year old girl. Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren, has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women.

8:40 AM  
Blogger Incredible Dirigible said...

Did you type all those out?

10:45 AM  
Blogger Incredible Dirigible said...

Actually, you didn't. You cut & paste them from the far-left website . I wonder how many of them are true.

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

More Republicans loving sex. even if they need Viagra.,0,3150646.story?coll=bal-local-harford

Note, no crime was committed by the man.

PSC member used state account for sexual messages
Boutin, former Harford delegate, apologizes for exchanging e-mails with prostitute
By Justin Fenton
Sun reporter
Originally published April 7, 2006
Charles R. Boutin, a member of the Public Service Commission, apologized yesterday for using his state computer account to exchange sexually oriented e-mails with a prostitute.

In a written statement, Boutin, 64, a former Republican delegate who was appointed to the commission last year by Gov. Robert L. Ehrlich Jr., acknowledged that his conduct was "morally wrong and I am ashamed and deeply sorry."

5:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry I can't comment on how many of the Republicans and sex stories are true. Thus my disclaimer on the fact that they were found through a google search.

5:23 AM  

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