Friday, February 24, 2006

Confessions of a Crackberry Addict

As the Super would say - true story - which was usually an indication that there wasn't a grain of truth in it. I thought this was apropos given the impending doom of Blackberry. These are excerpts from my personal diary, which I kept as a coping method through a very trying time:

Day 1: I’ve looked everywhere – and I cannot find the Blackberry. It has been 10 minutes since I discovered it was missing and all of the usual spots where I might have placed it are turning up empty. It was bad enough that it had been at least three hours since I checked for e-mail, but now every minute feels like an eternity with e-mails I am unable to access pouring in.

Day 2: Still no sign of the Blackberry. Had trouble sleeping. I patiently asked the kids if they by chance had been playing with it, and if they know something they are not telling me. They seem convincingly innocent, but I have my doubts – some kids are better than average liars. Hands are starting to shake and every once in awhile I think I hear vibrations signaling a new e-mail and reach for my belt to find nothing. Starting to get irritable.

Day 3: Interrogate kids again, this time playing bad cop the whole time. Wife of Hatcher catches me and scolds me and I break down crying. She says I have to learn to live without the Blackberry, and slaps me to bring me out of my delirium. She’s right – I have responsibilities to her and the kids. I can beat this Blackberry thing. I resolve to fight my addiction, and for inspiration I buy a memoir about some guy who beat his substance abuse problems.

Day 4: Halfway through the book and it has moved me deeply. One day at a time, I tell myself, and reading this fella Frey’s story of recovery and redemption is inspiring. I think I am going to make it.

Day 5: Went to lunch today with a couple of friends. Each of them had their Blackberry’s and were checking them constantly at lunch. Tough day. They don’t know what I am going through, so I cannot blame them for checking in front of me. Found myself on the brink of buying a new Blackberry after lunch, but called my sponsor on a land line and he calmed me down. I might need to find a new set of friends.

Day 6: Finish reading the Frey book – life changing. I think this is going to be easier than I thought.

Day 7: What? This guy Frey is a fraud – his book is a pack of lies? My recovery is inspired by a pack of lies! Man, I need to check my f%^&*(# e-mail with a handheld or someone is going to get hurt!

Day 8: Jake finds Blackberry out on the back deck embedded in the snow. Screen stays frozen for a tense six hours, but then begins to function normally. I double-click the tracking wheel and I am home again.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you now see how you need to move towards your idol, George W., and embrace Jesus as your savior and claim to be born again ?
While you have retrieved your Blackberry, you have not embraced the cause of your addiction nor embraced the remedy - Government sponsored, religiously based, therapy whereby you will be taught the benefits of abstinence instead of protection, the need to admit your guilt of addiction instead of effectively documented treatment, and get a tax break in the process.
Then, in the near future, you too fashion a campaign to be installed as the puppet president, much like your idol.
Good luck in the future Blackberry addict..............

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

After reading Frey's book, I was inspired to give up Chartreuse. Thank God the guy is a fraud and I don't have to give up my Chartreuse swilling ways.

By the way, I know a sure fire way of beating a Blackberry addiction. Replacing it with a Chartreuse addiction.

11:57 AM  

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