Confessions of a Crackberry Addict

As the Super would say - true story - which was usually an indication that there wasn't a grain of truth in it. I thought this was apropos given the impending doom of Blackberry. These are excerpts from my personal diary, which I kept as a coping method through a very trying time:

Day 1: I’ve looked everywhere – and I cannot find the Blackberry. It has been 10 minutes since I discovered it was missing and all of the usual spots where I might have placed it are turning up empty. It was bad enough that it had been at least three hours since I checked for e-mail, but now every minute feels like an eternity with e-mails I am unable to access pouring in.

Day 2: Still no sign of the Blackberry. Had trouble sleeping. I patiently asked the kids if they by chance had been playing with it, and if they know something they are not telling me. They seem convincingly innocent, but I have my doubts – some kids are better than average liars. Hands are starting to shake and every once in awhile I think I hear vibrations signaling a new e-mail and reach for my belt to find nothing. Starting to get irritable.

Day 3: Interrogate kids again, this time playing bad cop the whole time. Wife of Hatcher catches me and scolds me and I break down crying. She says I have to learn to live without the Blackberry, and slaps me to bring me out of my delirium. She’s right – I have responsibilities to her and the kids. I can beat this Blackberry thing. I resolve to fight my addiction, and for inspiration I buy a memoir about some guy who beat his substance abuse problems.

Day 4: Halfway through the book and it has moved me deeply. One day at a time, I tell myself, and reading this fella Frey’s story of recovery and redemption is inspiring. I think I am going to make it.

Day 5: Went to lunch today with a couple of friends. Each of them had their Blackberry’s and were checking them constantly at lunch. Tough day. They don’t know what I am going through, so I cannot blame them for checking in front of me. Found myself on the brink of buying a new Blackberry after lunch, but called my sponsor on a land line and he calmed me down. I might need to find a new set of friends.

Day 6: Finish reading the Frey book – life changing. I think this is going to be easier than I thought.

Day 7: What? This guy Frey is a fraud – his book is a pack of lies? My recovery is inspired by a pack of lies! Man, I need to check my f%^&*(# e-mail with a handheld or someone is going to get hurt!

Day 8: Jake finds Blackberry out on the back deck embedded in the snow. Screen stays frozen for a tense six hours, but then begins to function normally. I double-click the tracking wheel and I am home again.