Monday, January 23, 2006

We Don't Have the Toy of Him

The Chartreuse Alcoholic wants to know whether Chartreuse was intelligently designed or whether it evolved. Clearly it was designed, but maliciously so. The 130 herbs that comprise it certainly evolved, but would never have thought to maximize their biological fitness buy jumping into a bottle together and fermenting. And I don't want to hear any debate on this.

And now for something completely different. In sports, Kobe Bryant poured in 81 points in a single game, perhaps the greatest individual sports performance ever, but he is still a prick. I'd take Lebron any day over Kobe. And how solid an actor is Lebron? I love the Nike commercials where he plays himself, his old-school grandad, his older pimp brother (the best character of the lot), and little Lebron junior.

If you can't tell already, there really is no point to this post, other than to push the Hatcher over 10,000 visits on the old site meter. I've actually had more visits, since I didn't put site meter on the template until about 10 months ago. But a light blog will give us all chance to look past the fact that yours truly is a hopelessly homophobic guy who believes the earth is 10,000 years old, at least for a day. (Neither of those is true, by the way).

I'll leave you with a kid's story:

I'm playing in the basement with Jake, when Joe comes trakking down the stairs with the snowboard of a rescue hero.

Joey, holding the snowboard up, announces "I am the evil controller of the whole universe. I have all power. No one can beat me."

I respond "Wait a minute, all powerful evil controller, what about God? God can kick your butt."

Joe: "God's not in this game."

Me: "What do you mean God's not in this game? How can he not be in this game?"

Joey, thinks about it for a second, and then replies: "We don't have the toy of Him."


Blogger Incredible Dirigible said...

"God's not in this game." Is young Joey Hatch a junior member of the ACLU??

Also, how do you pronounce "Chartreuse"? I don't even know if I spelled it correctly.

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What would a playing figure of God look like ?
Do we believe George Carlin that if there is a God it is definitely a man cause no woman would screw this thing up this bad ?
Would you be punished for bringing your God playing figure to public school ?

Debate away...................

11:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe Kobe is such a prick because he's drunk on Chartreuse.

Maybe he's such a prick because he's never had any Chartreuse.

I guess the Chartreuse excuse works either way.

By the way, if the site meter hit 10,000, doesn't that mean at least 10,000 people now know, because of me, the benefits of a Chartreuse buzz? I think those monks owe me an endorsement check; or at least a free bottle of that magic green elxir. Either one is good.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Hatcher said...

My bet is that it is because Kobe has never had a shot of shar-truce (phonetic spelling for incredible's sake).

10,000 refers to visits, not different people, so when you subtract my approximate 8000 visits to my own site, and the fact that I've posted about 100 items since I started keeping track, that means you've got about 20 people you've influenced. Should be worth a bottle, but no more.

12:13 PM  
Blogger pbryon said...

Would a God action figure have the kung-fu grip?

12:16 PM  
Anonymous hansirr said...

Hatcher - for your son's next birthday you might wamt to pay a visit to


and pick up the "God Almighty" doll - complete with "Kingdom-Come Kalashnikov AK-47 assault rifle".


2:47 PM  
Anonymous Greg Hindsley said...

I think the best 'God' figurine I have seen was one of Jesus up to the plate swinging a bat, with kids around him cheering. Doesn't get much better than that. The caption says something like 'Jesus can hit a curveball'. I'm sure it's on Ebay somewhere.

10:13 AM  
Blogger Incredible Dirigible said...

I've seen a similar figurine of Jesus playing basketball with some kids. He's blocking a shot.

Thanks for the phonetic spelling of Chartreuse, Hatch.

12:10 PM  
Blogger Pulvarizer said...

Hatcher, tell the kids there's also the "Buddy Jesus" life size figure (from the movie Dogma). He's pretty cool too!!!

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"But a light blog will give us all chance to look past the fact that yours truly is a hopelessly homophobic guy who believes the earth is 10,000 years old, at least for a day. (Neither of those is true, by the way). "

What is true is your hatred of the PLAYMAKER. I don't forget and I don't forgive. I noticed you bagged out on the VEGAS action last weekend, typical.... I don't think I need to say more. Get your kids a figurine of me, the one in the mink coat if it is still around.

6:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe Joe is onto something very profound here ... if he doesn't want God to be in the game then God doesn't have to be, right? I'm sure you didn't run right out to the store and buy the freaky baseball playing figurine and bully him into introducing God into everything. Hmm...

8:09 AM  

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