Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Professor Vic - Nominate the Hatcher!

I know I've been derelict in my blogging duties of late. Traditionally, and it is a tradition that as far as I know goes way back to at least 2003, December is a month that many bloggers choose to take a step back from the day to day demands of blogging and, in the spirit of this holy season, reflect on what they want others to buy them for Christmas. The Hatcher is no exception to needing this time to reflect on this same important topic.

I will be posting this year's Christmas card probably next week after I think people will have received it in the mail. Don't get your hopes up - the idea was good in concept but the staging didn't go well, due primarily to the fact that the Hatcher, as artistic director, was also a key actor in the scene, and had to delegate artistic direction duties to the Wife of Hatcher who is less gifted in this area (though more gifted in most others). Other problems included an egotistical 9 month old baby who insisted upon his own interpretation of the character I had scripted for him. Actors!

Anyway, I just have one observation, consistent with reflecting on what other people should get me for Christmas. With the death penalty being applied to Tookie Williams yesterday, and all the commentary surrounding the chance for clemency, it was often noted that his redemptive efforts in prison secured him a nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize. What was left unsaid was the process for being nominated. Apparently, any professor of a social science (and other various fields), or any elected official in any country can nominate someone for the Peace Prize. So, here is my Christmas wish - I want Professor Vic to nominate me. Being nominated alone will be an excellent marketing tool for me in my business - it must at least be a tie breaker. And frankly, marketing myself as a guy who was taught by a Nobel prize winner hasn't had the effects I had hoped. So how bout it Professor Vic? It will cost you nothing. And it's not even like you'd really be honoring me - Stalin, Hitler, and Castro have all been nominated in the past. And even if I won I wouldn't necessarily consider it an honor to be grouped with Carter or Arafat.


Blogger Professor Vic said...

Ok, Hatch, I'll get right on that after I finish up my nomination for "Cabin Boy" for the American Film Institute's top films of the century awards.

7:44 AM  
Blogger Hatcher said...

Chris Elliot is a genius!

7:47 AM  
Blogger Incredible Dirigible said...

It's been noted that Stanley Tookie Williams became a writer of children's books, to spread the message not to join gangs. Unfortunately, his message didn't seem to spread very far. His first book sold only 330 copies, & his second sold exactly Two copies!

8:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hatch, you ruined my Christmas present. I was going to nominate you but it probably doesn't have the same importance from a non- PhD

12:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think The Superstar should be nominated.

4:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


This is slightly off topic, but did you see the Onion article last week "Rest of U2 OK with Africans Starving"? I thought you might find this an slightly amusing follow up to your article last week.


SAN FRANCISCO—Rock band U2, currently on tour in North America, is well-known for its human-rights advocacy, particularly its ongoing campaign to eradicate poverty in Africa. Less known to fans of the Irish supergroup, however, is that the lion's share of these efforts are made by lead singer Bono. The three other U2 members are perfectly okay with the dismal plight of Africa's poor.

Enlarge Image

The Edge, Larry Mullen Jr., and Adam Clayton.
"Yeah, that Africa stuff is Bono's thing," The Edge said. "I don't mind if he pursues other interests, but I really try to focus on the guitar riffs that give U2 its characteristic sound."

Bassist Adam Clayton, while "not opposed" to Bono's tireless efforts to improve the quality of life for impoverished Third World citizens, is apparently too busy to spearhead an anti-poverty initiative of his own.

"I was happy to help out with the Live 8 thing," said Clayton, referring to the July mega-concert benefit. "But ever since I discovered rock 'n' roll in the mid-'70s, music has been my passion, and I'd be lying if I said it was something different, like helping people."

Clayton added: "I don't have a problem with [Bono] trying to save Africa. Who knows, it might inspire some decent songs. But just as long as it doesn't interfere with the band."

In 2002, Bono started an organization called Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa to raise awareness of the deep health and economic crises that cripple much of the continent. His fellow bandmates, however, do not lose any sleep over the debt crisis facing many African nations.

"If I could wave a magic wand and cure Africa's problems, I would do that," drummer Larry Mullen Jr. said. "But someone has to take care of the more practical, day-to-day stuff that Bono doesn't really bother with. Like, for example, how's the next album going to sound? How're we going to keep our live act fresh? I can't tell you how many millions of decisions go into making one Elevation tour."

Enlarge Image

A starving African, who is of little concern to the other members of U2.
Mullen added: "You don't win 14 Grammys feeding Africans."

In the rare moment they have free, Clayton, Mullen, and The Edge said they choose to relax and rejuvenate, without letting the plight of Africa's starving and disease-afflicted millions weigh too heavily on their minds.

"I have a garden to tend to when we're not on the road," The Edge said. "There's nothing wrong with taking care of your own little corner of the world. I work very hard in my garden."

When asked their opinion about Bono's prospects of being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize within the next year, the music-playing part of U2 could not stifle their groans.

"We had a big scare last year when [Bono's] name was put forward as the new president of the World Bank," Clayton said. "I mean, I have nothing against it, but it would just be more work for us, because we'd be left with the very challenging task of finding a new lead singer."

During live concerts, U2 audiences are treated to a stunning audiovisual experience, with Bono periodically giving his opinion on social and world events between songs. During these interludes, the rest of U2 is often conspicuously silent.

"When Bono starts telling the audience how messed up the world can be and how we should work together to make things better, I usually just zone out," Mullen said.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Jim O said...

I say the Hatcher gets nominated for a Noble Prize in Chemistry, for the innovative and unusual sythesis of unique chemicals in his brain.

Of course, his results will have to verified by independent duplication by his peers, but that doesn't seem to be a problem for rabid Republicans...

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe The Superstar can be lead singer for U2 after Bono takes the lead at the World Bank. Sounds like a good idea to me. Keep in mind however, I am drunk on Chartreuse.

4:22 AM  
Anonymous Greg Hindsley said...

I'm still waiting to hear Hatch's reaction to events at Lehigh this past week. In USA Today, the headline read "Police track suspect to Lehigh campus, then make arrest at frat house". Apparently, some gambling sophomore lost it and stole $2800 from an Allentown 3:00pm! Tom Vanden Brook, from USAT, describes Lehigh as a "pricey" college, but one that is capable of producing a bank robber. The suspect, Greg Hogan, who is also president of his sophomore class, is a finance and accounting major, but wasn't smart enough to get away with it. Oh, and his accomplice was the student senate president! I'm interested to hear Hatch's reactions to this..or will he ignore it? I mean, c'mon, Lehigh is just bursting with controversial stories lately!

8:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, What a story! When I was at Penn State, the only thing I stole was a pine tree from the woods for Christmas. Turned out to be part of some Phd.'s research project.

4:22 AM  

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