Wednesday, August 17, 2005

My Blog is a Contingent Liability

* Some readers expressed concern that I was either fired by the blog or that I had died due to my unexplained failure to post last week. Neither is true, and rumors of my death were highly exaggerated (one of my favorite Mark Twain quotes, principally because it is the only one I know). Some astute readers may have noticed that I have some click-on ads at the very bottom of the page. My adding the code to allow these ads on my site was my ticket to monetizing my reader base, because in theory these ads can generate revenues in some manner. They've been there for at least a month now, and when I recently checked my account to see the riches I have wrought, I found that, to date, I have generated nothing. That could be a reflection of the quality of this blog. Alternatively, it could be a reflection of the frugality or economic means of my reader base. Forced to choose between the two, I am choosing the latter, and so ongoing efforts to continue the blog should be viewed as my free gift to my cash-strapped readers. Merry Christmas!

But it took me a week to convince myself that my efforts were not completely wasted. Now, I need only calculate the value of my charitable contributions for the purpose of taking a sizable tax deduction, which may involve organizing my readers as a 501C entity (stay tuned). Of course, pointing out the click-on ads at the bottom of my sight probably violates every little electronic acceptance of terms sheet I checked in getting the code; so it is likely that Ideas Hatched is now subject to significant litigation. Those interested in donating to my legal defense fund can contact me directly.

* Let me take a moment to recognize Phil Mickelson’s PGA victory; he is a role model for all lefties, right up there with Oris Kinderchuck. A lot of people don’t know this, because it gets very little recognition from a world run by and for righthanders, but lefthanders face significantly greater odds of dismembering their own limbs with power tools. On the basis of what Mickelson had to overcome just to be at the PGA, I’d stack his two majors up against Tiger’s 10 (or is it 11?) any day of the week.

Perhaps Jimmy Roberts and Bob Costas should team up to do a human interest story on Phil, with the soft music playing while the camera pans a foggy mist rising from some pristine fairway, with a silhouetted Phil far in the distance walking closer toward the camera and his approach for the second shot. Next comes the interview, when Phil says that the championships mean nothing to him, and that all was put into perspective – the importance of family, character, etc. that one day when he was out clearing brush with his chainsaw, when the near-dismemberment occurred, and what is important suddenly became important to Phil. Tear streaming down face, fade to series of still shots of Phil with wife and kids, laughing, playing, etc.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Jim O said...

I'm going to have to go to law school, or business school at least, in order to understand the big words you are using now-a-days. Remember, I get my water from the CCMUA, so my mental faculties are degrading over time. Please provide a layman's translation for the fancy-skoolin talk ya'll gots here.

On another note, did you recently try to do something with power tools? Or did that random factoid just stick with you from when you read it? Cause, although Phil is a great player with a hot wife, I doubt he is doing his own brush-clearing. He has been one of the top golfers in the PGA for years now - he probably doesn't even know the name of the service his gardener calls to clear away brush, let alone do it himself.

And I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I wish i could have some brush cleared by a random company my gardener hires while I am out winning millions of dollars and the adoration of golf fans everywhere.

I actually look froward to having my gardener call random brush-clearing companies for me when I finally win the PGA champoionship. But that would require me to be good at golf, so I doubt it will be anytime soon. Well, at least I am right-handed, so no brush-clearing mishaps for me.

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4:05 PM  
Blogger pbryon said...

I love a good Orest Kinderchuk reference. Try to throw a Gary Dornhoefer in next time.

5:25 PM  
Blogger Clupbert said...

Phil Mickelson is a huge homo. And he has man breasts.

8:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clubert,

Why exactly is Mickelson a "huge homo"?

1:25 PM  

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