Pay Thanks to the Sports Gods

The joy of June matched the elation of October - seeing the Lakers fall badly was as pleasurable as seeing the hated Yanks fall to the most successful post-season team in the history of baseball, the Florida Marlins. And the losses of both were made all the sweeter by their prior heroic victories - in Game 7 for the Yanks against the Socks, and in Game 5 for the Lakers against the Spurs, when Fisher made that ridiculous 3 pointer. After knocking off the Sox and the Spurs, respectively, surely the Marlins and the Pistons would be a walk in the park.

Not so. And, in contrast to the Yanks, who I hate as a matter of principle, I had more personal reasons for hating the Lakers this year. Here are a few:


1) The Zen Master - I hate Phil Jackson. This guy has made a career out of coaching superstars who get nearly every call, and yet after any playoff loss he lays into the refs. Even his new-agey nickname makes me sick. It was great to seem him out-coached by Larry Brown. We should have seen it coming - if Brown could squeak out even one win with the Sixers against the Lakers three years ago (when the Lakers were much better than they are today), the smart money would have been on a Pistons sweep, prevented only by Kobe's clutch 3-pointer in Game 2.

2) Karl Malone - I always liked Karl Malone ... until he signed with the Lakers. Gave up all of that money, unselfishly we were told, in order to win a Championship. Turns out he was overpaid. Memo to Karl Malone: Mark Madsen won several championships with the Lakers - it didn't make him a champion. It made him a lucky guy whose presence had no effect for good or ill on the Lakers season. You should have been content with the knowledge that the Jazz won two championships with you as their leader against the Bulls (factoring out the 10-point per game spot the refs gave Jordan in every game of the playoffs). Joining the Lakers was equivalent to a general who lost a battle against a powerful foe resurfacing years later as an enlisted man looking for glory in the invasion of the Falklands.

3) Kobe Bryant - if I were accused of rape, and if I were beyond a doubt guilty of adultery against the Mother of my new born son, I wouldn't wear such a smug self-satisfying arrogant look on my face everytime I dunked a basketball. Actually, if I ever dunked a basketball, I might wear a smug self-satisfying arrogant look on my face, no matter what I was guilty of. But that is beside the point - I still hate this guy. The only guy I like on the Lakers is Shaq, and that is mostly because it is obvious that he hates Kobe even more than me.

4) Gary Payton - I always liked Gary Payton ... until he signed with the Lakers. Gave up all of that money, unselfishly we were told, in order to win a Championship. Turns out he was overpaid. Memo to Gary Payton: Mark Madsen won several championships with the Lakers - it didn't make him a champion. It made him a lucky guy whose presence had no effect for good or ill on the Lakers season. You should have been content with the knowledge that the Sonics won a championship with you as their leader against the Bulls (factoring out the 10-point per game spot the refs gave Jordan in every game of the playoffs). Joining the Lakers was equivalent to a general who lost a battle against a powerful foe resurfacing years later as an enlisted man looking for glory in the invasion of the Falklands.