Monday, September 25, 2006

Good Advice for Your 10th Grade Son

Good advice for your tenth grade son? "Have a drink, kid. No, not just one, make it a binge!" This will make the Chartreuse Alcoholic so pleased. Turns out that your future income is positively tied to binge drinking in your formative years, which goes a long way toward explaining Dusty Eggs. Here is the link: What is interesting is that it works only for guys. Apparently there is a serious glass cieling perpetuated by our patriarchal society against young chicks who like to have a few. Either that or they got knocked up early by the sober guys who can take advantage of the situation, and both end up poor because they have to raise a kid at a very early age, whereas the binge drinking guy spends most nights throwing up on his shoes rather than pro-creating.


Dear County Treasurer,

We had claimed no assets employed in my wife’s business as a real estate agent. You had asked for written clarification, which I subsequently provided on her behalf. However, we then received a bill, due today (September 15, 2006), in the amount of $126.50, with no explanation about the derivation of that amount.

I called the number on the bill and spoke to someone who was very helpful, who clarified for me that it is not the ownership of assets that matters, or the primary use (business or personal) – all that matters is that she uses the tangible property in her business. With that clarification, I would like to submit to you that, at least for the assets we, or I, own, which she uses in her business, we have the following:

• IMac Computer – estimated value $1800.
• Cell Phone – estimated value $100.
• 1994 Model BMW 525i – estimated value $4000.

Of these three, only the cell phone was purchased by my wife. I would ask that my tax bill be re-assessed on the basis of the values reported above. However, I realize that I have omitted the fact that my wife uses the county’s road system, and doubtless other public assets, in the performance of her job. You are in a better position to estimate the value of these assets than I am, but surely $1 billion is not out of the question.

Best Regards,

The Hatcher


Anonymous Jim O said...

Got no idea what you are talking about with the taxes there, buddy, but my son is only 8 months old, so I have some time with the drinking thing.

11:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hatch, I asw Nick Christos (a/k/a The Fat Greek) a few years ago. He was at te Philadelphia International Airport on his way to Bermuda for some meeting. The guy was wearing a designer suit and dripping in gold jewelry. I guess he supports your theory.

On the other hand, this past weekend I was at the Dover 400. I never saw so much bindge drinking in my life. Yet, these people could not even afford decent dental work.

I think more research is needed.

4:24 AM  

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