Monday, February 28, 2005

And Don't Call Him Chuck

"At first the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms." (That's Shakespeare for all of you rubes out there, from As You Like It.)

After the sex reassignment surgery began to take a turn for the worse, we stopped it before it was too late, and so now I am proud to announce a fourth son to advance my dynastic ambitions! Charlton John (Charlie) was born Thursday morning at 8:47 am. It’s official – I am out of the foursome, unless I want to caddy for it. But at least I am still on the basketball team (jumping center I might add). Early skills test shows some promise for professional baseball or golf (does a small white kid have any shot in any other sport ?– remember, soccer doesn’t count), but he is a horrible swimmer. The first song he listened to out of the womb – Rocky’s Reward from the Rocky soundtrack, with his little ear up against the iPod earpiece.

Early political indoctrination is going well – whenever he has crapped his pants and is uncomfortable, or if he is hungry – we put a picture of Clinton in front of him (either one, never both – he’s only an infant, after all); when he suckles from his mother’s bosom, he stares up at a tattoo of Reagan when feeding on the right, and W when feeding on the left (although we’d prefer not to feed him on the left at all). Pretty sure that political preference is genetic, but you can never be too sure, so we’ll give the behaviorist theorists of personality development their due.

Sorry to leave you hanging last week, but family duties called. In any event, my apologies to Pbryon for not understanding his housewife comment, spurred by my calling Hillary a housewife in the entry. I had written that entry 5 years ago, and didn’t take a careful read of it. In any event, it occurs to me that some out there may have thought the Hatcher was being rather rude in using the title in an insulting fashion. Let me explain.

It’s kind of like when someone calls a gangsta rapper a “nigga” – if it is a white cracker like myself, I’ll get a “cap in my ass” as the kids say today, whereas if it is another gangsta rapper, it is the ultimate term of endearment. Same word, same person hearing the word, but two very different interpretations of meaning based upon who is saying it (and Vanilla Ice is no exception). Use of the word “housewife” is sort of the converse of the above – if I use it to describe an ambitious little ice-queen feminist politician, it is viewed as an insult by said person; if I use it to describe a woman whose obvious charm and dedication to family keeps her husband from looking up the skirts of his daughter’s friends, it’s a compliment. Same word, same person saying the word, but two very different interpretations of the word based upon who is hearing it.

6 Comments:

Blogger Incredible Dirigible said...

Congratulations, Dr. Hatch! Same to Jonelle. Too bad you didn't name your four Hatch boys Tom, Rick, John & Mike. But they are a fab four nonetheless, & I hope all is well.

7:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People who are offended by name calling haven't evolved past grade school baseball lot name calling. They need a good dose of sticks and stones. Enjoy offending such people. Wear the badge with pride. And by the way, speaking of gangsta rap lingo and the Clintons, I've heard some people refer to Clinton as our first "nigga" President. I've heard this both from a gangsta rapper and from David Duke. Go figure.

8:22 AM  
Anonymous the_giant said...

Congrats on the birth of Chatcher, Hatcher. The new head of the NRA is born!!

A slight debate erupted in our house over the weekend regarding the sex and date of birth of your 4th child. I wondered if the baby had been born yet, and if so, if it was a boy. The wife suggested if 4th child was a girl, we would get immediate email or call or hear about it on the evening news; if a boy, we'd read about it on the blog at a later date.

Her congratulations and yet condolances (to mom) as she is also sick of pee on the seat and floor...

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Jim O said...

I didn't think Republicans were allowed to get tatoos.

Congratulations on the addition. 5 more and we can play them in baseball, so get cracking.

11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats,
Here's hoping he's parting the Potomac for you in no time. Don't be offended, though, if he does call you a damn, dirty ape.
Am disappointed he was not named Reagan. Or do you have fears of "The Exorcist"?

4:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats,
Here's hoping he's parting the Potomac for you in no time. Don't be offended, though, if he does call you a damn, dirty ape.
Am disappointed he was not named Reagan. Or do you have fears of "The Exorcist"?

4:20 PM  

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