And Don't Call Him Chuck

"At first the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms." (That's Shakespeare for all of you rubes out there, from As You Like It.)

After the sex reassignment surgery began to take a turn for the worse, we stopped it before it was too late, and so now I am proud to announce a fourth son to advance my dynastic ambitions! Charlton John (Charlie) was born Thursday morning at 8:47 am. It’s official – I am out of the foursome, unless I want to caddy for it. But at least I am still on the basketball team (jumping center I might add). Early skills test shows some promise for professional baseball or golf (does a small white kid have any shot in any other sport ?– remember, soccer doesn’t count), but he is a horrible swimmer. The first song he listened to out of the womb – Rocky’s Reward from the Rocky soundtrack, with his little ear up against the iPod earpiece.

Early political indoctrination is going well – whenever he has crapped his pants and is uncomfortable, or if he is hungry – we put a picture of Clinton in front of him (either one, never both – he’s only an infant, after all); when he suckles from his mother’s bosom, he stares up at a tattoo of Reagan when feeding on the right, and W when feeding on the left (although we’d prefer not to feed him on the left at all). Pretty sure that political preference is genetic, but you can never be too sure, so we’ll give the behaviorist theorists of personality development their due.

Sorry to leave you hanging last week, but family duties called. In any event, my apologies to Pbryon for not understanding his housewife comment, spurred by my calling Hillary a housewife in the entry. I had written that entry 5 years ago, and didn’t take a careful read of it. In any event, it occurs to me that some out there may have thought the Hatcher was being rather rude in using the title in an insulting fashion. Let me explain.

It’s kind of like when someone calls a gangsta rapper a “nigga” – if it is a white cracker like myself, I’ll get a “cap in my ass” as the kids say today, whereas if it is another gangsta rapper, it is the ultimate term of endearment. Same word, same person hearing the word, but two very different interpretations of meaning based upon who is saying it (and Vanilla Ice is no exception). Use of the word “housewife” is sort of the converse of the above – if I use it to describe an ambitious little ice-queen feminist politician, it is viewed as an insult by said person; if I use it to describe a woman whose obvious charm and dedication to family keeps her husband from looking up the skirts of his daughter’s friends, it’s a compliment. Same word, same person saying the word, but two very different interpretations of the word based upon who is hearing it.